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Self Help

from Martyr, well by Ruby Landen

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Samuel A.Z.
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lyrics

I’m not the woman
My dad wanted me to be
He thought I was special
For listening to jazz and not watching tv

But I’m not a poet
I can only replicate
And I’m not your friend
I’ve just learned to simulate

I’ll never read that self help book she gave me
But I won’t hesitate to tell you exactly what you need

And I’m not your daughter
Won’t look after you when you’re old
But I’ll still take those guitars you saved me
As your skin grows cold

The spite that made me cool
Was only a summer flame
Burnt by the setting sun
Didn’t know how to play your game

I should take up smoking, I’m obsessive enough
Why take care of my health if I don’t mind dying young

But they scared me with their stories
One drag and your dead
So I pretended not to notice
Mom lighting up behind the shed

Every cigarette
Makes her hate herself a little bit
But I can go tonight without drinking
So I don’t have a problem yet

I danced in your reflection and you did the same in mine
You made me in your image but it’s your version I don’t mind

I don’t mind

You called me a martyr, well
Maybe you had a point
Held my hand out to you
But couldn’t keep myself upright

But where’s the satisfaction
That comes with being better?
I just hate that I loved you
When to you I didn’t matter

credits

from Martyr, well, released August 27, 2021

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Ruby Landen Brooklyn, New York

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